


Survivor: Dethklok style

by zsomeone



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-19
Updated: 2011-09-19
Packaged: 2018-03-16 23:17:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3506387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not really any kind of take on the show, just one of those fucked up little ideas that happen when you’re me.  Twinkletits, and brutal group therapy on a tiny island.  It gets a dark, but try to stick it out.<br/>No “inside the cabins” footage because that would have made this insanely fucking long and I’m just not up for that, sahrry.  You’ll just have to imagine those parts.<br/>Warning: disturbing content</p>
            </blockquote>





	Survivor: Dethklok style

The Dethcopter landed on a small island.   
Ofdensen blocked the door for a moment, addressing them all. “I’m sorry that it’s come to this, but you’ve brought it on yourselves. Since you all refused to cooperate at the Haus, you will do your group therapy here where there are no distractions. Twinkletits is waiting for you, have a good week.” He stepped aside and waved them out.  
Confused, they stepped out into the sun and watched the copter leave without them.

Nathan pulled out his recorder, the only electronic device they’d been allowed to bring with them. “Left to die on a beach. Dried up by the sun... human jerky. Brutal.”  
“Yoo-hoo!” They turned to see the sun glinting off the therapist’s metal claw as he waved for them to come his way. “Your cabins are over here, boys!”  
There were indeed cabins, and shade. Not knowing what else to do, they reluctantly moved to join him.

Once they were closer, Nathan vaguely noticed Twinkletits was keeping one “hand” in his pocket. If he was trying to look tough, his usual pink sweater vest ruined the effect. Was that different? It must be, or he wouldn’t have even noticed.  
“We’ll be here for five days, and I’ll be leading you through a series of _bonding exercises_. You all will learn to _value_ each other. Well let’s get started! Right this way.” He “pointed” to a gazebo-type structure..

Then trudged in and took seats. This sucked, there wasn’t even any alcohol here. And the manager had taken all their toys. Murderface couldn’t check his Myspace, Toki couldn’t play with his PSP, and they didn’t even have their Dethphones to throw at something, should something need Dethphones thrown at it. This was really fucking boring!  
Twinkletits still had his “hand” in his stupid pocket.

“Okay guys, we’re going to start with an _easy_ one. We’ll go around the circle one at a time, and I want all of you to think of something _nice_ to say about that person. Anything nice! Got it? Let’s get started, Nathan can go first. Everyone say something nice about Nathan!”  
“Why do I have to be first?”  
“Because I said so! Okay everybody, let’s start! Who wants to go first?”

Pickles reluctantly raised his hand. “Nathan, yer tha best frontman I’ve ever known.”  
“A little less generic, guys, step it up!” The therapist was smiling that annoying smile of his. “Next?”  
Skwisgaar was lounging in a bored manner. “You gots a reallies brutal voice.”  
“It’sch amazing how hard you can punch people.”  
“I cares about you!”

“Ugh. Toki, that’s kind of gay.”  
“That was good, Toki!” Twinkletits was handing over a banana sticker. “Little Toki has the right idea!”  
Nobody had said there would be banana stickers involved! Wait, they didn’t care about those anymore, that had a whole chest full of those. But they still looked on enviously as Toki stuck it to his shirt.  
“Skwisgaar, why don’t you go next? Everybody say something nice about Skwisgaar.”

Pickles seemed cool with being first again. “Dood, yer tha most amazin’ guitarist ever.”  
“Yeah! Uh, Dethklok wouldn’t be the same without you.”  
“You’re...” Murderface had to think about it, “Nice to all the schluts.”  
“You gots really pretty hairs.”  
“Gay again!”  
Toki, applying another banana sticker, ignored them.

“Toki can go next, let’s hear it.”  
“Uh... you’re really good at that... DDR thing?”  
“You schtarted a record company with me, I appreciate that.”  
“You ams not completely terribles, I guess. Nots all de times anyway.”  
Nobody earned a banana sticker this round, much to their disappointment.

“I wanna be next, can I be next?” Pickles was making his hopeful sadface.  
Twinkletits nodded encouragingly, and pointed to Nathan who seemed to be elected to go first.  
“Okay, Pickles! I think you’re a really brutal little guy.”  
“You ams a greats drummer ands you can drinks more dan anybodies I knows.”  
“Jeez, Picklesch, isch there any inschtrument you _can’t_ play?”  
“You’s a good friend, Pickle.”  
Nathan got a sticker, and Toki got another. Now only Murderface was left.

Encouraged by his sticker, Nathan jumped right in. “You don’t really have a dog face. Well, only a little bit.”  
“Um, I tinks you has taken a showers dis week, ja? Dat’s good work.”  
“Yer feet... could killa troll. Thet’s good, if we see ‘nother one.”  
“I can’ts think of nothing, don’t stabs me in my sleep!”  
No banana stickers.

“Well I feel we’ve made an _excellent_ start here!” Twinkletits stood up, still keeping that same “hand” in his pocket. “Now it’s time for you all to go to your cabins and reflect on what we’ve learned for a while!” He motioned them to follow along, the five tiny cabins were arranged in a semi-circle. “You each get your own, go on in! Try to get some sleep, we’ll continue in the morning.” Each cabin had some food and drink set out waiting.

They all went into whichever was closest.  
The rooms were small, with only a bed, a small table, and a chair. A tiny bathroom and closet were on one end.  
They all didn’t notice until after they’d pulled their doors closed that the handle on the inside was fake, and they were all now locked in.  
Nathan immediately began flinging himself against all surfaces trying to bust his way out.

Twinkletits had gone to a hammock in the shade, and was relaxing. He had a cabin of his own (with a working doorknob, of course) as did the other employees they’d sent with him, but the hammock was comfortable and he didn’t feel like moving.  
The sounds as they tried to escape were oddly soothing to his demented cyborg brain. He wasn’t worried, the walls and doors were heavily reinforced and nobody was going to get through them. Not even Nathan.  
Soon they’d calm down, eat their food, and eventually fall asleep out of sheer boredom.

****

The next day, the sullen and somewhat bruised band members were released.  
Seeing a table of food, they all went and got some. Who had made this food? There had to be other people around, butt here was no sign of them anywhere. Since there was nowhere else to really sit, they went into the gazebo.  
And what kind of “group therapy” _was_ this, if they were being locked in separate rooms?

Twinkletits waited until they seemed to be done, then joined them. “Don’t worry, boys, this will be a short session! Here’s what you’re going to do: Every dat you will vote for who gets to stay, and every day one of you will... _leave_. But here’s the catch- You can’t vote for yourself. I’ll give you some time to think about who you’re going to choose.”   
He had his “hand” in his pocket again. Well, still. Maybe it was broken or something?  
Twinkletits wandered down to the beach, and appeared to be chasing a seagull.

Turning from the possibly insane therapist, Nathan studied the others. Funny, not having a fucking clue what was going on _did_ make them feel more like a group. “Is it just me, or did he say ‘leave’ really strange?”  
“It’s nawt jest you.”  
“What if we all votes for each other? Then nobody has to leaves!”  
“That’s- Toki, that’s a really good idea! Let’s do that! Shit, he’s coming back, just vote for whoever didn’t get voted for yet!”  
Twinkletits was headed back their way, there seemed to be a few feathers stuck to his claw.

“Well guys, times up!” He took a seat and studied them expectantly. “You can vote now.”  
“Uh, I vote for Skwisgaar.”  
“I votes for Toki.”  
“Then I votes for Moiderface!”  
“I vote for Picklesch.”  
“An’ I vote fer Nathan.”

Twinkletits looked at them sadly, it seemed that they were less stupid than he’d given them credit for. He didn’t like being wrong.   
However, this was okay because he had a backup plan, of course. He pulled out a smartphone of some sort ( _not_ a Dethphone), stuck a stylus in his mouth, and started looking something up.  
They gave him evil looks, why did he get to keep his phone? That wasn’t fair!

A bit of scrolling later, he put it away again. “Well you tried, and it’s really great that you’re pulling together like this! But that’s not how we’re playing this game, and fortunately I have a backup plan. If you refuse to choose, this poll we’re having does it for you. And I’m sorry Murderface, but you’ve been voted the first to leave.”  
“It’sch becausche I’m the fat one! Nobody lovesch me.”

He didn’t get much time to mope, because Twinkletits _finally_ pulled out his other” hand”, except it was no longer anything resembling a hand at all. He’d somehow replaced it with a motherfucking gun, which he promptly used to shoot Murderface right in the chest.  
Murderface fell, blood on his shirt, and lay still.  
Twinkletits pointed the gun at the others. “Back to your cabins, _now_.”

Stunned, confused, and pretty damn worried, they obeyed. The four of them backed slowly together, splitting up only when they reached the cabins to each go into their own.  
Those heavy doors no longer seemed like a bad thing at all.  
One thing was for certain though, being forced to stay alone made them all really want to stick together.  
The insane therapist yelled through the walls, “I’ll let you out for dinner later!”

****

When the doors were opened, they cautiously came out.  
Twinkletits ignored them, but was no longer keeping his new gun hidden. There was no point, since they’d all see it.  
There was no sign of Murderface, which was better than a body but still nowhere near good.  
But they had to eat, so they got their food and ate sitting on the ground, nobody really wanted to sit in that gazebo anymore.

“We’ve gotta think! He said one of us will ‘leave’ every day, so he’s going to keep killing us one by one? There’s gotta be something we can do!”  
“He’s gat a gun, we’re on an island an’ we don’t even have our Dethphones... I don’t rally see a lat of options here.”  
“I’s next, I knows I’s next! I don’t wants to die!”  
“Calms down, Toki, dat amn’st helpsing.”

Pickles considered his plastic tableware hopelessly. Not even a real knife! “Mebbe we can charge him, overpower him sahmhow?”  
“Den he jus shoots us.”  
Nathan shrugged. “Uh, well he’s going to do it anyway? But we can’t take the gun, it’s part of his arm now! Maybe if we try to wait, help will come? Maybe he won’t really do it? Anymore?”  
“This is bullshits!” Toki pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around them, rocking a little.  
Twinkletits walked over and herded them back to their cells.

****

The next day when they were released, Nathan decided to act.   
As the therapist was walking away, he charged up behind him and grabbed his gun arm.  
He let go quickly with a surprised cry, blood already beginning to drip from his hands.  
With a sadistic grin, Twinkletits pulled back his sleeve to expose the rows of tiny blades he’d had welded to his frames. Then he continued on his way as if nothing at all had just occurred.

Pickles was examining Nathan’s hands. “Can ya make a fist still?”  
He tried, opening and closing both hands. “Yeah.”  
“Thet’s good, means you didn’t cut anythin’ too important in there.” He pulled off his wristbands. “Here, better than nothin’.”  
Nathan let him work them onto his hands. “Good thing I grabbed him instead of one of you, I don’t actually need my hands. For our music, I mean.”  
Impromptu bandages in place, they went to get food while they still could.

They ate on the ground again.  
Toki was too nervous to actually eat much, he expected to be killed at any moment.  
Even if the others had been prone to expressing emotions, there was really nothing they could offer him.  
Staying close together, they all kept a paranoid eye on the psycho cyborg. It was only a matter of time, and not much time at that.

All too soon, here he came. “Get up, we’re going to sit over there and vote in comfort! Sitting on the ground is for dogs.” He herded them into the now-hated gazebo. “You may vote!”  
“Fuck you. I vote for Skwisgaar.”  
“Ja, fucks you. I votes for Toki.”  
“Pickle.” Toki didn’t even look up.  
“I vote fer Nathan, an’ yer a giant douchebag.”

“This game again? Well, sillies, let’s see what the poll has to say!” Out came the phone, and he checked whatever the hell he checked on it. It was even possible that he was making it all up, since they couldn’t see the screen. With a metallic shrug, he put it away and just looked at them.  
They faced him as bravely as they could.  
Up came the gun. “Well it seems that your time is up, Pickles.” He fired the shot and Pickles fell. “Back to your cabins, go!”  
They went.

****

That night when they were temporarily free again, they sat together on the edge of the camp.  
“You guys, I have no idea who’s next. Maybe me?” They were shaking their heads, but Nathan continued. “Toki, you’re the kids’ favorite, I guess that’s what saved you, and Skwisgaar, you’re really popular with the sluts.”  
“I tink half mine ladies ams probablies too old to knows how to works dis votings ting.”  
“Nobody’s going to picks me over yous! I’s not special or anythings!”

“Toki, I’m only saying this because we’re all about to die, but you’re kind of special. I mean, you _are_ the second fastest guitarist in the whole world.”  
“Ja, dat ams not too shabbies dere. But I ams only admitsing dis because we ams goings to die, okays?”  
“You’s the best pals I’s ever had!” He sighed. “I miss Pickle and Moiderface.”  
“Ja, me toos.”  
“Me too.”

****

The next morning they were greeted by an odd sight.   
Twinkletits had changed his look a bit. He still wore the pink sweater vest and the shirt under it, but the sleeves had been completely removed to expose his spiky metal arms. One sleeve, with Nathan’s bloodstains visible on it, had been tied around his head. The other was simply unaccounted for.  
He paced around while they nervously ate.

Once they’d finished and been forced into the gazebo, the insane therapist got straight to the point. “I assume you’re still playing that stupid avoidance game? Yes? I won’t even bother making you vote then.” He went straight to the phone, scrolling gleefully.  
He tossed it aside carelessly. “Interesting! Fascinating! Truly remarkable! And today’s winner is...”  
Twinkletits stood, rotating to point the gun at all of them in turn, back and forth.  
The waited, unable to do anything but wait.

Suddenly he fired. They all jumped and Skwisgaar fell.  
“Sorry Skwisgaar, I guess you’re not quite as popular as you thought!” He waved the gun at Nathan and Toki. “Time to go back to your cabins! We’re making _such_ progress here, I feel so much better already! How about you?”  
Speechless, they retreated to their cells.

****

A storm came in during the night, and it was still raining in the morning.  
Having on real choice, they sat in the gazebo to stay dry. As if dryness even really mattered, soon there would only be one of them left.  
Then what? Would the “winner” get to live, or would he be killed as well?  
With these two, some version of Dethklok could still go on. It wouldn’t be the same, but it wouldn’t be out of reach. With only one, no matter which one, Dethklok was finished forever.

They sat in silence, there were no words left.  
The slow rain was a fitting accompaniment for their moods, damp and depressing.  
Apparently now completely batshit crazy, the cyborg frolicked spastically on the beach.   
Too bad there wasn’t any lightning, maybe it could have taken him out and spared them. He was practically a living lightening rod anyway.  
And then he came to them.

“Let’s go straight to the polls, shall we? I just want to say that I feel we’ve come so far together! I’m so proud of you all! Banana stickers!”  
He didn’t seem completely aware that he was addressing only two people, or that his banana sticker dispenser was missing.  
They waited.  
With a joyful laugh, he tossed the phone over his shoulder and shot Toki.

Nathan jumped toward him, to hell with his hands, but stopped short when the gun swivelled in his direction.  
“Uh-uh, I don’t _think_ so! Get back to your cabin!”  
Nathan back slowly into the rain, back to his cell.  
“There’s a surprise for you later, something to look forward to! I bet you can’t wait!”  
Nathan slammed the door and sat on his bed.

Ofdensen was due back, but it was far too late now. They were all gone, _everything_ was gone. The “surprise” would likely be the manager’s death, for what reason he couldn’t even guess.   
Nathan vowed to kill the rogue shrink if he could find a way. He would likely die, but it didn’t matter anymore. He was too old to start over again, and Dethklok was gone.  
Somehow, he fell asleep.

****

The click of the door woke him.  
At first Nathan thought he was dead, the sun was shining in the door and he could see the Dethcopter waiting on the beach.  
But the wristbands wrapped around his injured hands argued otherwise.  
Cautiously, he went outside.

Ofdensen was standing near the hated gazebo talking to that fucking psycho.  
The psycho who seemed to be dressed normally again, with regular “hands” and no sign of the gun. Maybe he really was dead after all?  
Uncertain, Nathan stood where he was and waited.

The manager came over to him. “Well Nathan, are you ready to go?”  
Why was he acting so damn normal?! “He killed them all! That sick fucker killed my whole band, and I’m going to kill him!”  
“They’re fine, they’re at home waiting for you.”  
“What? No, he shot them! I saw it!”

Ofdensen sighed. “Paintball shells loaded with micro tranquilizer darts and real blood. Looks authentic, but wears off in about an hour. I assure you, they’re fine.”  
Nathan looked at him incredulously. “ _You_ did this?”  
“Yes, yes I did.”  
Nathan swung his fist as hard as he could, wanting to smash that smug expression off the manager’s face, and his face with it if possible.

His fist was stopped just short of it’s goal, blocked by Ofdensen’s own.  
“Let’s go home now, Nathan. And remember-“  
“I know, no punching. Fuck you.” Turning away, Nathan walked straight to the Dethcopter and climbed onboard. If they were lying to him, he’d find out soon enough.

****

_~THREE MONTHS LATER~_

The new album was nearly finished, they’d never completed one this fast before.  
Things _had_ changed since the island, they were all much tighter and the petty bullshit was almost completely gone.  
Skwisgaar was even helping Murderface lay down tracks to keep, instead of just doing it all himself. Toki had already finished all of his, and they sounded good. Pickles and Nathan were sitting back and watching.

Nathan hadn’t ended up killing Twinkletits after all, he’d been so relieved to see his band alive and well. He hadn’t forgiven the manager for doing this to them all, but his twisted plan had indeed worked.   
Feelings were being kept privately again, but known all the same.  
Dethklok was tighter than ever, better than ever.  
They would never die.


End file.
